Silence.
Night.
Pain.
Devour me.
Breathing gets
Harder.
Shallower.
Faster.
A searching heart pounding in
My ears.
My blood.
My Head.
Black tears
T
R
I
C
K
L
E
Down my face.
Burning.
Staining.
Stinging.
Leaving their mark on my pillow.
RED.
Everywhere.
THEN.
. . . His beautiful face . . .
. . . His heady scent . . .
. . . His intoxicating kiss . . .
. . . His mouth-watering taste . . .
. . . His fire-velvet touch . . .
I wish . . .
ps- if this poem doesn't make any sence go to this link and hopefully you'll get a better idea! thanks!
http://celieshottspace.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!371B661622607D96!371.entry#trackback
Personal Essay
16 years ago
21 comments:
Interesting...almost fascinating. It kin of makes we want to write a story. I probably wont get around to it though.
Also (I hate doing this), it his "heady" scent supposed to be "heavy"?
Yeah, what is heady?
Just so you know, I probably be able to get the feeling of this more if it was a bit more...descriptive? I can't really see anything.
it's heady. look it up. the original poem is better because i used different font colors and sizes and types so you could get more of an idea of where i was comming from . . . but since this blog is super ultra gay it wouldn't let me do it the way i wanted . . . but that might not have anything to do with it . . . idk . . . maybe i should make it more descriptive . . . i wrote it like less than an hour so it's bound to have a bunch of flaws. lol. if you want to see a copy of the original that looks 10 times better in my opinion the link is:
http://celieshottspace.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!371B661622607D96!371.entry#trackback
idk. that might help a little. but i'll also concider your oppinion and try and make it so you can see something. sorry.
It definitely makes more sense on the other page. And I know see what heady means. I think I get the entire thing now.
yea that's what i thought. but like i said. this blog is super ultra gay. lol. thanks for commenting.
I don't know what heady is either, but I guess I'll look it up. I liked your poem it's really good. It doesn't completely make sense to me though so I am going to have to check out your link at the bottom.
lol mr. dye wants me to take it off. he thinks it's too "steamy" . . . giggle giggle.
Well, I wont say I didn't see that coming. Oh well, you've still got it on the other site.
i know i know . . . but it's kinda depressing . . . it's really not that bad compared to other things . . . like the wife of bath for example . . . that's a million times worse and we read that in class . . . what's so bad about this?
Well, to tell you the truth, I have no problem with it. It's not really that bad compared to most things that are around these days. However, a teacher would tend to think differently. For instance, one teacher may think, "It has no historical significance."
Yes, I realize that is a "because I said" type of reason, but that is what some teachers might think.
At least, in my opinion.
yea i know. but still. i like my poem. i think it's awesome. lol. i don't wanna take it off . . . i'll feel like i'm killing it, hence killing a part of me . . .
Don't get me wrong, I like it too. Sadly, the opinion of the project administrator goes, and Mr. Dye is in charge.
Unless you can convince him to not make you take it off. Well, whatever you try to do ,if you do try, I wish you luck.
Yea I know. Thank-you.
Your welcome.
Homophones michael! homophones! it's YOU'RE welcome . . . not your welcome. . . lol jk
Wow...that was horrible. I can't believe I did that (even though it was funny :])
Let me try again. You're welcome.
Nice job catching the homophone!
Hmmm...I think this poem is more physical in its imagery than the Wife of Bath. It's almost like this poem was lifted from the pages of a pop novel...something along the lines of Twilight? That is why I approached you about removing it. It is your choice; I just want you to recognize the strength of the words you use and the effect they might have on other people, whether or not that is how you intended it.
Thank you for the comment Mr. Dye. If anyone has a problem with it then they can comment and tell me and I'll take it off but so far I think people like it so I think I'm going to keep it.
I agree with you Celie.
Holy cow, Celie. This is quite the poem. Do you think your parents are okay with this?
idk are you?
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